So, yesterday while live-blogging the TVA hearings one of the cats started acting up, picking fights with another cat, making a lot of noise and basically being a giant pest. So I picked him up and threw him outside.
He was not pleased.
First he climbed up on the roof above my office and proceeded to howl at the top of his lungs, “poor pitiful me I’m stuuuuck heeeeeelp me.” Being the superior species with the giant brain and the wiggly-waggly thumbs I see this for what it is: a blatant attempt to make the human do ridiculous things like struggle with a ladder or try to climb a tree. I’ve been here before. I’m not a sucker. So I told him to knock if off, get off the roof on his own, or stay outside and freeze his tail off. He glared at me in defiance.
I went to lunch, and when I came back he was still on the roof. When he howled some more, I ignored him. About 20 minutes later he was at the door asking to be let in.
Success! I win! Ha ha you furry devil, I say. Just try to beat my superior intellect, sucka!
Alas, my celebration was premature. Cat promptly gorged himself on food, then vomited it all over my router. Okay, I said, we’re even. Let’s call it a draw, kiss and make up, eh?
No can do, human, was his response. And then he took a giant whizz all over the dog bed.
The problem is that I had forgotten the secret weapon in every feline arsenal. Oh, the humanity.
Which just goes to show, in the battle of Human vs. Feline, Feline always always always wins.