Things That Aren’t In The Bible

1- The Lord Helps Those That Help Themselves
Guess what, it’s not there! We have Benjamin Franklin to thank for this ditty, not Scripture. In fact, the Bible actually teaches the opposite: “He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool.” Proverbs 28:26

2- God Bless America
This one should be obvious but I think some folks need to be reminded of it every now and then.

3- God Hates Fags
Sorry, “Rev.” Phelps. Hate to disappoint you. The real “sodomy,” according to Ezekiel 16:49: 
"Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy.” Got that?

4- The Rapture
The word doesn’t appear in the Bible, nor does the whole “Left Behind” scenario peddled by hucksters like Tim LaHaye. The rapture doctrine is the creation of a handful of 19th century British evangelists, including Edward Irving and John Darby. Both were heavily influenced by a 15 year old Scottish girl named Margaret McDonald, who in 1830 saw visions of a rapture while in a fevered state due to a severe illness.

5- Abortion
If you’re going to interpret certain Scriptures as being against abortion (“Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee” is a popular one, although this passage relates specifically to the birth of the prophet Jeremiah), then you’re also going to have check out Ecclesiastes 4:1-3 and 6:3-5, which says it’s better to never have been born--the Bible specifically states “miscarriage”-- than to live a life of suffering and poverty.

6- Creation Story
OK, this isn’t entirely true: of course there is a creation story in the Bible. In fact, there are three. There’s the whole “And God said let there be light ...” thing, there’s the whole Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden story, and then there’s the New Testament’s version, “In the beginning was the Word ...” So next time your Fundie in-law tries to tell you she believes in the Biblical creation story, ask her which one.