Mitt Romney Flop-Flips

Back when I was a single, I had a girlfriend tell me that if you just listened carefully enough, a guy would tell you everything about himself in the first two hours.

She was absolutely right. So often we hear what we want to hear, not what a person is actually saying. Once I learned to actually listen, I found my wonderful husband.

I think choosing political candidates is very similar. Let’s look at Mitt Romney, shall we? Here’s a tasty bit from his interview with CNN’s John Roberts yesterday:

ROBERTS: You have said or at least intimated that, look, I changed my mind, people should move on. They should allow me to change my mind.

ROMNEY: No. I'm saying, I changed my mind, and you can look at my record as governor, and you can see in my record as governor that I have consistently been pro-life. Every piece of legislation that dealt with life...

ROBERTS: Even though you were effectively pro-choice?

ROMNEY: You know, as governor, all the decisions I made as governor and all the bills that came to my desk were -- I came down on the side of life. So when I ran for office, I was effectively pro- choice. I didn't call myself pro-choice, but I said I would keep the law the way it was. But the first time as governor that I saw a piece of legislation that dealt with life, I came down on the side of life.

Got that, kids? Mitt is saying that he ran for Governor as a pro-choice candidate, but once in office, his actions were anti-choice. In other words, for those of us listening, he’s telling us he will say whatever is necessary to get elected.

So those of you who are anti-choice, better pay attention. Those of you who are pro-choice Republicans--and I do believe you are out there, in the millions--better pay attention. We don’t know what Mitt Romney believes about abortion or any other issue because as he just told us, he will say whatever he thinks he needs to say to get elected.

Stuff like this is what gets Democrats labeled as opportunists and flip-floppers. I eagerly await the return of the flip-flop sandals distributed by the Bush campaign and MSM stories like CBS’ ”Kerry’s Top 10 Flip-Flops”--this time directed at Mitt Romney.

Oh, wait, I forgot, IOKIYAR.

You Might Be A Libertarian If ...

There are a lot of folks out there calling themselves “Libertarians” these days. I hate to break it to you, but most of you are idiots.

The majority of you Libertarian converts have no freaking clue what Libertarians actually believe. All you know is that they aren’t Democrats, they aren’t Republicans, and they seem to have this thing against taxes. A lot of new Libertarians were recently Republicans, until the Republican Party got hijacked by a bunch of crazy Bible thumpers. Before that, I daresay a lot of you were Democrats, before the Democrats became a bunch of spineless wimps scared of their own shadows.

Face it, you just want a political affiliation that doesn’t embarrass you, right? Admit it, you know I’m right.

Well, before you fill out that Libertarian Party membership card, let’s take a look at the official Libertarian Party platform, shall we?

• Freedom of Speech. Personally, I love freedom of speech, but I also believe in limits. For example, I don’t think we should have televised executions, or let young children watch XXX porn. I don’t think we should publish blueprints of nuclear power plants on the internet, or tell people how to bypass Secret Service security measures to assassinate the president.

Libertarians don’t agree. Libertarians also believe in “full market ownership” of the airwaves and abolishing the FCC. That means anyone with a bucketload of money--say, Rupert Murdoch--could own all the media in this country and broadcast whatever he felt like. Sorta like Pravda, without the government (Or, in the case of Murdoch, with the government.) Bye-bye dissent, unless you can find someone with another bucketload of money to build you a radio station. If all of this sounds good to you, then you might be a Libertarian.

• Freedom of Religion. Libertarians believe in strict separation of church and state. No problem there. They “defend the rights of individuals to engage in (or abstain from) any religious activities that do not violate the rights of others.” This all sounds great on paper. Now, if you believe that Scientology, the Moonies, or even Pastafarians should be classified as a religion, then you may be a Libertarian.

• Property Rights. If you don’t believe in building codes, zoning ordinances, resource management like protecting the watershed or air quality, National Parks, State Parks, public parks like Centennial, public ballfields, levees and dams, public boat ramps, etc., then you may be a Libertarian. If you like the idea of paying a steep fee to put your canoe in at the Harpeth, to hike the trails at Warner Parks, or to picnic at Centennial, you may be a Libertarian. There’s a decidedly feudal principle at work here, this whole “all publicly owned infrastructures including dams and parks shall be returned to private ownership” thing. Don’t forget, we had revolutions over such things.

• Right To Privacy. True, the Libertarian platform emphatically opposes the government’s use of any kind of covert surveillance or snooping on citizens. They also oppose random sobriety checkpoints on holiday weekends. They also oppose any kind of government-issued identification: passports, Social Security cards, voter registration cards, etc. I can’t imagine how people are supposed to travel out of the country without a passport, or how elections are supposed to be managed without voter registration cards.

• Right To Bear Arms. No restrictions. None. Honey, is that Nike missile in your backyard, or are you just happy to see me?

• Conscription. An all-volunteer military service, with no Selective Service registration. In fact, the Selective Service System will be abolished and all records destroyed. I guess if a foreign army lands on American soil, we can all just aim our personal tanks and nuclear missiles in the right direction and fire away. Yee haw.

• Sexuality & Gender. Libertarians call for the repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act, the Defense Dept.’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, “one man, one woman” marriage laws, etc. This sounds great on paper but I wonder how many “New Libertarians” are willing to take this to its next logical place: legalized polygamy, polyandry, marriages to pets and trees, etc. Just wondering.

• War On Drugs. It’s over! And the drugs won! If you believe in the legalization of marijuana, heroin, meth, cocaine, etc., and if you believe that all drug offenders should be pardoned and released from jail, then you might be a Libertarian. Also, if you think that children should be allowed to purchase these things, alcohol, and tobacco, you are definitely a Libertarian.

• Immigration. Give us your tired, your hungry, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. Seriously, they mean it.

I’m sure some of this sounds good to a lot of us. But I don’t think the majority of self-professed “Libertarians” agree with half of this claptrap.

Lessons For The Present

I think time capsules tell us more about the present than they do the past. For example, looking at this 1957 Plymouth Belvedere, buried that year to commemorate Oklahoma’s 50th anniversary of statehood, I feel we’ve let the previous generation down:

Buried on June 15, 1957, as a publicity stunt to honor 50 years of statehood, the gold-and-white car and its contents — artifacts like a pack of cigarettes and an unpaid parking ticket — were to be dug up in another five decades.

The car was interred with 10 gallons of gasoline, in case fuel would be obsolete in 2007, and a time capsule containing civic records, a prayer and a history of Tulsa churches.

I have to wonder about that previous generation of Sooners, who thought we’d have moved beyond fossil fuels by now. Did they know, even then, that gasoline was not a sustainable way to propel the global economy? I want to apologize: we let you down. We stopped looking for the new juice and now we’re stuck between Iraq and a hard place.

And what’s this history of Tulsa churches thing? Did they think that Americans would no longer worship in churches in 50 years? That some brand-new religion would have taken over? That we’d forgotten our basic religious beliefs? This sounds like a fear we hear from right wing theocrats today. I want to tell them: “Relax, people. Y’all have been yammering about Americans turning away from God for decades. Hasn’t happened.”

And then there’s this::

The 1957 two-door hardtop — buried to celebrate Oklahoma's 50 years of statehood — was encased in a 12-by-20-foot concrete vault, supposedly tough enough to withstand a nuclear attack.

Event officials already had to pump out several feet of water from the crypt that held the Belvedere for a half-century.

Fifty years ago nuclear destruction was on people’s minds in Oklahoma. Sadly, it still is. But their “bomb-proof” vault couldn't even keep the groundwater out. And here we are today, talking about building “missile shields” in Europe and stirring the pot with Russia over a system that has continually failed, at a cost of $85 million a pop. Even a Canada goose can foil the missile defense system. Not good.

When will we learn? Looking at time capsules from the past, we learn a lot about what we thought the future would hold. How have we measured up? How have we failed?

RIP, Norton

If I’d known he was that sick when I visited him in May, I would have left a get well card.

I’m referring to the untimely death of the Georgia Aquarium’s young whale shark Norton, the second such death in five months.

Back in May, I criticized the Georgia Aquarium for offering a lousy aquarium experience. I’ve been to a few aquariums in my day, but I’ve never been to one where the facility’s corporate sponsors get more prominent play than the animal exhibits themselves. I was especially appalled by the screaming sales pitch from Home Depot, whose orange “Deepo” mascot was obviously targeting young children.

Now it seems I should have been worried about the animals, too:

In June 2005, Bernie Marcus, the founder of Home Depot, thrilled this city and raised the eyebrows of marine biologists with the news that he had bought the biggest fish in the world to swim in the biggest tank in the world — a facility he had designed specifically to accommodate whale sharks, bus-size swimmers that would be on display for the first time outside Asia.

But very little is known about these fish, a species that is considered to be endangered by many countries, and critics warned that whale sharks, which may live for decades in the wild, tend to fare much worse in captivity. A study of 16 whale sharks kept at the Okinawa Expo Aquarium from 1980 to 1998 found they survived, on average, 502 days in captivity. That facility has kept at least one whale shark for more than 10 years since that study ended.

Ignoring naysayers, the Georgia Aquarium has already replaced the two dead sharks with two new males, Taroko and Yushan, flown in from Taiwan on June 1. Those two fish, along with Alice and Trixie, the two females that joined the exhibit in 2006, are all eating on their own and behaving normally, Mr. Davis said.

On Wednesday, after news of the shark’s death, some marine biologists criticized the aquarium.

“It’s appalling, of course,” said Lori Marino, a biologist who studies whale biology and behavior at Emory University in Atlanta. “We all knew something like this was going to happen.

“I wonder how many more animals have to die before they realize that this is not a viable exhibit for these animals.”

I guess better a few endangered fish than Bernie Marcus’ ego.

Darrell Issa, Democrat?

Nashville, Tennessee is a lot like California in that most folks you meet here are from somewhere else. Many of you may not know that Southern Beale is actually a native Californian. Second generation native, actually (my mother was from Eagle Rock, my grandfather taught at Occidental). This is a matter of pride with Californians; back in the ‘80s we sported bumper stickers modeled after the telltale blue and yellow California license plate with the words “NATIVE.”

I mention this because I will always have an interest in California politics. In my post downthread about the California GOP, Flying Junior commented about Republican Congressman Darrell Issa, and his role in the recall of CA Governor Gray Davis.

I always thought Gray Davis got royally ripped off in that scam, the American people had the wool pulled over their eyes (and if the media were doing their job, the subsequent collapse of Enron would have made that clear), and American politics got stuck with a new Republican star in Arnold Schwarzenegger. What is with Republicans, anyway, that allows them to make derisive comments about liberals’ “Hollywood values” on the one hand and worship actor-politicians like Ronald Reagan, Fred Thompson and Arnold Schwarzenegger on the other?

Anyway, this is a long preamble to poke fun at Darrell Issa, a former car thief who’s done a lot wrong in his career as a Congressman, too. I always got the whiff of the opportunist from Issa, but this is ridiculous:

According to The Hill, when the House of Representatives had their official congressional photo taken last week, Issa sat on the Democrats’ side of the aisle.

Ooops. What a dufus.

Then again, maybe it was just wishful thinking?

Immigrants Doing Jobs Americans Won't

Because clearly there wasn’t an American for the job:

State GOP fills a critical post with Canadian

The California Republican Party has decided no American is qualified to take one of its most crucial positions -- state deputy political director -- and has hired a Canadian for the job through a coveted H-1B visa, a program favored by Silicon Valley tech firms that is under fire for displacing skilled American workers.

Christopher Matthews, 35, a Canadian citizen, has worked for the state GOP as a campaign consultant since 2004. But he recently was hired as full-time deputy political director, with responsibility for handling campaign operations and information technology for the country's largest state Republican Party operation, California Republican Party Chairman Ron Nehring confirmed in a telephone interview this week.

Hilarious! But you know, with the GOP in tatters, maybe they really can’t find an American to do the job. I mean, I wouldn’t do it.

But it gets better:

Matthews was hired by Michael Kamburowski, an Australian citizen who was hired this year as the state GOP's chief operations officer. But neither new official has experience in managing a political campaign in the nation's most populous state -- and as foreign citizens, neither is eligible to vote.

Dudes! Are you trying to lose elections? Come on! Two of the top state GOP officials can’t even vote because they aren’t citizens? You gotta be kidding me!

Abso-freaking-hilarious.

Oil: “It’s People! Agghh!”

Those wacky Yes Men have struck again.

Mike and Andy, the artful activists known to wreak havoc on WTO meetings and the like have pulled a fast one on the Go-Expo energy confab in Calgary, Canada.

Posing as representatives from ExxonMobil and the National Petroleum Council, the two delivered the Go Expo keynote address today. And what a keynote! According to a Yes Men news release, the speech was supposed to deliver results of a long-awaited study commissioned by US Energy Secretary Samuel Bodman. Here’s what the oil execs got instead:

In the actual speech, the "NPC rep" announced that current U.S. and Canadian energy policies (notably the massive, carbon-intensive exploitation of Alberta's oil sands, and the development of liquid coal) are increasing the chances of huge global calamities. But he reassured the audience that in the worst case scenario, the oil industry could "keep fuel flowing" by transforming the billions of people who die into oil.

"We need something like whales, but infinitely more abundant," said "NPC rep" "Shepard Wolff" (actually Andy Bichlbaum of the Yes Men), before describing the technology used to render human flesh into a new Exxon oil product called Vivoleum. 3-D animations of the process brought it to life.

"Vivoleum works in perfect synergy with the continued expansion of fossil fuel production," noted "Exxon rep" "Florian Osenberg" (Yes Man Mike Bonanno). "With more fossil fuels comes a greater chance of disaster, but that means more feedstock for Vivoleum. Fuel will continue to flow for those of us left."

The oilmen listened to the lecture with attention, and then lit "commemorative candles" supposedly made of Vivoleum obtained from the flesh of an "Exxon janitor" who died as a result of cleaning up a toxic spill. The audience only reacted when the janitor, in a video tribute, announced that he wished to be transformed into candles after his death, and all became crystal-clear.

BWAAAHAAAAAAA!!!!!

According to a local news report, Go Expo attendees were not amused, especially since attendees paid $50 a head to hear a speech from what they thought were American energy policy bigwigs.

Neither Andy nor Mike were arrested, according to their news release, although they were tossed out of the event once the hoax became clear.

Funny Things In My In-Box

This was a strange confluence of disparate sociopolitical and infotainment perspicacity:

For Immediate Release

Kaplan, LA – Speaking in his hometown of Kaplan, La, Sammy Kershaw ended weeks of speculation this morning and officially announced he will run as a Republican candidate for Lt. Governor of Louisiana.

“I am proud to be a citizen of this state and I want to be a part of building its future. I'm committed to ensuring that the unique culture and proud heritage of this state is preserved and promoted,” said Kershaw.

Kershaw is running to bring a fresh perspective and new ideas to help move Louisiana forward at a time when strong leadership is critical.

”Weeks of speculation?” For real? Who does he think he is, Fred Thompson? And speaking of Fred Thompson, isn’t his ex girlfriend, Lorrie Morgan, still married to Kershaw? Imagine if both of these candidates won. I’m thinking of the annual National Governor’s Assn. conference, which the POTUS traditionally addresses. Awk-ward!

You know, Louisiana native Tim McGraw has made no secret of his political ambitions. Imagine if he were governor of Louisiana and Kershaw were Lt. Governor. Faith Hill as First Lady of Louisiana and Lorrie Morgan as ... Second Lady?

That would certainly be in keeping with Kershaw’s “entertainment first” platform:

As Lt. Governor, some of Kershaw’s top priorities include:

• Making the entertainment industry a viable source of economic development in Louisiana.

• Creating education programs that will train a sustainable labor force for this industry.

• Ensuring that the people, places and culture of Louisiana are truly made a top priority within the Department of Culture, Recreation and Tourism.

• Creating a program to promote the diversification of our natural settings to capitalize on the “sportsman’s paradise.”

Who needs science and math when you’ve got music, hunting and fishing, right?

I’ve often wondered what makes celebrities think they can succeed in politics. I guess it’s no different than what inspires anyone to seek political office: a desire to change things for the better. Personally, I think the best way to change the world is through the arts. A great book, movie or song can change people; a politician can only change laws.

Maybe that’s the point of Kershaw’s platform.

Carbon Dating

I’m not a big fan of "carbon offsets." They always struck me as a "guilt balm," where a bunch of rich white Westerners could soothe their conscience for living like a bunch of, well, rich white Westerners. They pay their offset and feel they can enjoy their Hummer guilt-free. I don’t think you should be able to buy your way out of planetary responsibility.

This is Paris Hilton thinking--the kind of stuff you'd expect from some vapid blonde heiress who is too stupid to know better. The truth of the matter is, a lot of America’s super wealthy are Paris Hiltons: they just don’t give a shit. That’s what stuck in my craw about the whole “Don’t Give” campaign. Too many people already don’t give a shit in this world, and I don’t think that’s something which should be encouraged.

But I won't object to carbon offsets on the whole, especially for folks who are doing other things to reduce their energy consumption. For people like Al and Tipper Gore, who also have solar panels on their home, drive hybrid vehicles, buy green power shares, etc., it’s just another item on the green menu, not the whole enchilada. And I think criticism of the Gores--in particular, nonsense like this--is pretty disingenuous:

Gore's people tout his purchase of "carbon offsets" as evidence that he lives a "carbon-neutral" lifestyle, but the truth is Gore's home uses electricity that is, for the most part, derived from the burning of carbon fuels. His house gets its electricity from Nashville Electric Service, which gets its from the Tennessee Valley Authority, which produces most of its power from coal-burning power plants. Which means most of the power being consumed at the Gore mansion comes from carbon-emitting power sources.

Big fat duh. That's what the carbon offsets are for, ya nitwit.

As I’ve written on this blog before, unless you’re Jeremiah Johnson living in a deer-skin tent, you’re consuming carbon fuels. I can’t imagine the right wingers are surprised to learn that a former U.S. Vice President and Senator doesn’t, you know, churn his own butter. What a shocker.

So quit being hypocrites yourself. Just living in America, enjoying the cushy lifestyle we have here, has an impact on the planet. We all know it. That’s the point of carbon offsets. You can’t eat, live, work and raise a family in this country without consuming more carbon and creating more pollution than your grandfather did doing the same things. All you can do is try to minimize your personal impact, and try to spread the word and get others to do the same thing.

I'm tired of the “Al-Gore-is-a-hypocrite” BS. It’s stupid. Unless you’ve found a better way of doing it, shut up. It's not productive to the conversation (and of course it's not supposed to be), and it's the worst sort of partisan hackery.

Credit Where It’s Due

There’s something hugely pathetic about President Bush’s hero’s welcome in Albania.

First of all, Albania? “He’s big in Albania” should be met with the same derisive snorts we gave press releases telling us Cristy Lane was #1 in Nigeria back in my music journalism days.

But what’s even more pathetic about this “Albania Mania” coverage is that no one bothers to point out why Albanians gave President Bush the hero’s welcome. In no small degree, it’s because of something--hold onto your chairs-- President Clinton did.

Yes, Albanians have loved us since President Woodrow Wilson’s day. But in modern times, you cannot ignore the fact that Albanians are grateful to America because we rescued ethnic Albanians in the Kosovo war--something which prominent Republicans actually criticized at the time and actively fought against. In fact, President Bush himself, then governor of Texas, said of the Kosovo action: “Victory means exit strategy, and it's important for the President to explain to us what the exit strategy is." Gee, ya think? How’s your exit strategy coming along, Mr. President?

The New York Times pointed out that there are thousands of Albanian children named Bill and Hillary as a result of Clinton’s intervention, and they expect a deluge of little Georges in the wake of Bush’s visit.

Still, if there’s a sadder commentary on the past seven years, I can’t think of it. President Bush has alienated America from the world, and has resolutely denounced every policy of the previous Administration. The one place he can go where he’s not faced with anti-American protests, and it’s because of something his predecessor did.

Very, very pathetic.
UPDATE: AP wonders what happened to the President’s watch during the frenzy:

June 12,2007 | TIRANA, Albania -- Whatever happened to the president's watch?

One moment President Bush was glad-handing Albanians on Sunday, proudly sporting a watch with a dark strap on his left wrist. Moments later, it was gone.

Did it fall off? Did one of his bodyguards remove it? Or did one of the crowd artfully slip it off his wrist and pocket it?

Heh. Maybe the Albanians are just like us after all.