In Training

I don’t know how I let my sister-in-law talk me into training for a half marathon this spring; I’m quite sure alcohol must have been involved. Anyway, if you want to find me I’m probably one of the two or three gazillion people hoofing it down Belmont Boulevard in the morning or afternoon. Yeah, I’ll be the lardass doubled over, clutching her side and gasping for air.

It’s been, oh, around 10 years since I last ran a marathon. And I just have to say: this shit just gets harder as you get older.

You know, it’s that time of year when we’re inundated with diet ads on TV and news stories about fitness. That’s all very well and good but I just have a few questions.

Like:

• How come whenever I go to the grocery store, giant bags of Lay’s potato chips are always on sale, buy-one, get-one free? How come I can never get that deal on broccoli? Or a bag of apples? Just wondering.

• How does KFC manage to sell its 20-piece Family Meal, including four sides plus biscuits, for under $30? While half a free range chicken (roasted with lemon, Provencal herbs, and vegetables in a demi-glace), costs the same amount at Miel, a rather pricey eatery in West Nashville?

The KFC meal is enough food to feed two adults and three kids and still have plenty left for everyone to have lunch the next day. It’s also enough sugar, starch, sodium and fat to fast track your entire family to diabetes and heart disease -- and don’t even get me started on the hormones and toxic crap in their chicken. The Miel dinner, while healthier, will feed just one for dinner -- maybe with enough left for a snack the next day.

So, why is this? Why is crap cheap and plentiful, while wholesome food is not?

• Why are there hormone-disrupting toxins in our drinking water? Why did a ban Bisphenol A (BPA) not make it into the food safety bill, even though it’s banned in Canada for causing impotence and various other endocrine-disruption sins? (And by the way, if you haven’t voluntarily removed all the plastic from your kitchen, well, now might be a good time to start).

• Why (thank you, Anne Laurie at Balloon Juice) have scientists found that it’s not just people getting fatter, but our pets and the animals who live with us like mice and rats? Could it be that we’re all eating and drinking from the same hormone-laden, chemically-engineered banquet table?

• Why do we wonder why the nation is getting fatter and unhealthier when the very reasons are staring us in the face? Why, whenever the media discusses America’s “obesity epidemic,” do we never discuss any of these other issues? Why don’t we talk about the farm policy that favors overproduction of corn, or the toxins and endocrine disruptors in our food and water supply, or the factory farms and agribusiness and genetically modified frankenfoods which the people hawking at us claim to be safe?

Just wondering.

I love to cook, it’s one of my great joys in life. I’d no sooner eat at a fast food restaurant as I’d pluck out my own eyeballs and fry them up for dinner. Packaged and processed food just doesn’t taste good to me -- I need food to stimulate something other than the salty and sweet tastebuds in my mouth. I cannot imagine coming home from work and popping something frozen in the microwave for dinner. The idea that this is how so many Americans live just makes me sad. And I can’t imagine that this food is good for you.

I hope Americans will get a clue and just say no to the crap we’re being sold by the food industry. It’s not food, it’s a manufactured food-like substitute. Try making just one thing from scratch this week (or one new thing) and see if it’s really as hard and inconvenient and awful as you think.

You can start with salad dressing: it’s the simplest thing in the world, and it can be used as a marinade, dip, drizzled over steamed veggies, over cold pasta, or on your salad. Here's one of my favorites:

Extra Virgin Olive Oil and Balsamic Vinegar: the basic formula is 3 parts olive oil to two parts vinegar. Play with it and adjust to your own taste.

1 shallot, chopped fine
About a teaspoon of honey
About a teaspoon of oregano
Salt & Pepper to taste

Put all of this in a blender or small food processor (or whisk it up in a bowl). Voila, you now have a basic vinaigrette. Now comes the fun part. Use it as is, or play with it a bit. Make it creamy by adding some Greek yogurt, or add some gorgonzola cheese, or half an avocado. Or substitute red wine vinegar for the balsamic. Or add a squeeze of fresh lemon juice. It’s easy-peasy and way better for you than that Wish-Bone crap that contains “xanthan gum” and “maltodextrin” and something scary called “calcium disodium EDTA.”

Take care of yourself, America. You're worth it.

Health Coverage Does Not Make You Fat

Wow, as we wrestle with this healthcare insurance reform thing, a lot of bullshit is seeping up through the floorboards.

The latest one being passed around in media circles is this bogus "health coverage makes you fat” study:

According to the study, health-care coverage literally encourages obesity, because people tend to become less careful about weight-gain when they know that insurance will cover at least some of the weight-related health costs in which they may incur.

Let me be the first to call bullshit on that one.

Let’s imagine someone at the grocery store trying to feed their family on a time and money budget. As they go down the aisles, are they thinking about their health insurance policy? Or are they thinking about the buy-three-get-one-free coupon for Kraft Macaroni and Cheese they clipped out of the paper that morning? Are they thinking that a head of broccoli costs $1.50 and is only part of a meal whereas you can pop a bowl of Chef Boyardee lasagna in the microwave and you’ve got dinner.

Or let’s say you’ve got an hour lunch break, during which time you’ve got to swing by the bank, pick up the dry cleaning, pick up your prescription at the drugstore, maybe make some personal phone calls your boss won’t let you do at your desk. As you swing through the Wendy’s drive-thru, are you thinking about your insurance policy or are you thinking about how fast you can inhale your lunch so you can get back to your to-do list?

I’m really not thinking that insurance plays into people’s food and lifestyle choices. At all. Here's a study for you: a ban on fast food advertising during children's TV programming could reduce childhood obesity by 18% according to a study last year by the National Bureau of Economic Research--the same folks who released the "health coverage makes you fat" research.

But let’s get back to insurance and obesity:

Though the study found weak evidence that more generous insurance encourages greater weight gain, or that risk-adjusted premiums discourage it, there was “strong” statistical evidence that being insured increases body mass index and obesity. So, will expanding health-care coverage to drive up U.S. obesity rates to new record-setting heights?

So even though people with generous insurance plans are not more obese than people with limited insurance plans, they still have found ”strong” statistical evidence that health coverage leads to obesity. Really? I wonder what else these people had in common. Jobs? Married? Kids? Did they own cars? Have blue eyes and brown hair?

Did they look at France, with its universal health care and low obesity rates, despite a diet rich in butter fat? No.

Did they look at America’s poorest citizens, who also tend to have the highest rates of obesity, yet also make up the ranks of the uninsured? No.

This whole argument just plays into the right wingers’ “personal responsibility” meme: if only you lazy lardasses would quit shoving Twinkies and KFC down your gullets, the rest of us wouldn’t have to pay through the nose for our health insurance. Once again, it’s blame everyone else except a system that is stacked against the people who need our help the most.

Obesity is a huge problem in America and yes, it has added tremendously to our healthcare costs. There are a lot of reasons for the obesity epidemic but no, I don’t think health insurance is one of them.

We're No.3! We're No.3!

"Thank God for Mississippi" should be the official Tennessee state motto. Once again, Tennessee tops a nasty national list:

Top 10 Obese States

These are the 10 states with the highest levels of adult
obesity, according to a 2007 survey by the Centers for Disease
Control and Prevention.

1. Mississippi, 32.0 percent
2. Alabama, 30.3
3. Tennessee, 30.1
4. Louisiana, 29.8
5. West Virginia, 29.5
6. Arkansas, 28.7
7. South Carolina, 28.4
8. Georgia, 28.2
9. Oklahoma, 28.1
10. Texas, 28.1
Source: Associated Press

But hey, we're not number one! Not yet! That distinction goes to Mississippi. Whew.

I don't know why we Southerners are so fat. I know we like our fried chicken and biscuits 'n gravy and all-you-can-eat buffet and big honkin' SUVs instead of walking and it's so freaking hot here in the summer that being athletic takes twice as much effort as it would in a bottom-ranking state like Colorado. But geez, people. Don't you get tired of being stereotyped as fat and lazy?

We really need to pull ourselves together. This calls for a statewide intervention. This affects everything: healthcare costs, education, jobs, the economic vitality of our communities. Come on, Tennessee. We can do better. Restaurants: cut the portion-size. I don't know why Cheesecake Factory feels the need to serve a trough of food, or why I feel the need to eat it all at one sitting.

Here are some ideas: Eat at home more often. Eat fresh more often. Walk more. If you do eat out, split an entree with your dining companion. Can we at least strive to be number 5 in next year's list? And number 10 the year after?