Republicans In Disarray!

Thank you, media Villagers, for bringing us constant, breathless reports from assclown Donald Trump, who -- wait for it -- has decided not to run for president.

Oh, I’m shocked! Shocked, I tells ya! Oh wait, I’m not.

Nothing illustrates the sheer uselessness of our Washington media elites more than the Donald Trump rabbit trail. I said Trump was the Balloon Boy of politics and I was right. Well, y’all got pwned, just like I said you would. Now please go away and do something useful, like basket weaving or crocheting or something. The grownups have important stuff to worry about.

So now, who do we have among Republicans for 2012? How about Gov. Chris Christie! The media keeps shoving him our collective face, too. Please run, Christie. With approval ratings like this you’ll be lucky to carry your own state:

By 5:1, NJ Voters Say Governor Christie Should Not Run for President in 2012: New Jersey Republican Governor Chris Christie, beloved by some and despised by others for his bluntness, has a Minus 18 job approval today as speculation continues about whether Christie should run for President. 38% of NJ adults approve of the job Christie is doing, 56% disapprove.

I just have to wonder where the “Republicans in disarray!” storyline is. I mean, "Democrats in disarray" is such an oldie but a goodie, it’s always trotted out by the media around election time. But it’s the Republicans who can’t find their ass with both hands and a map.

Ah well, it’s always good news for Republicans.

Check The Kerning!

[UPDATE]:

Ha ha ha ha ha! Hilarious! "Check the kerning" is a Bush-era internet meme, which apparently Birthers are too dumb to know. Hey, who says right-wingers don't believe in recycling?

----------------------------------
Okay, y’all happy now?

Of course not. This settles nothing. Why, there are still so many unanswered questions! There’s the whole mystery surrounding Obama’s supposed Connecticut Social Security number, or the vagaries of 1961 immigration law which disqualify Obama because of his mother’s age, or any one of a number of crazy half-assed theories one finds when they go down the birther rabbit hole.

But of course Serious People (like Anderson Cooper, for instance) simply must talk about it because, well, it would be irresponsible not to! And as we all know, Jerome Corsi, Orly Taitz and the rest of the birther brigade are very, very serious people with nothing in their past to indicate they aren’t credible individuals.

[/sarcasm]

Seriously, how long before a story surfaces on WingNut Daily claiming the long-form birth certificate is a forgery? I give it, oh, about four hours. And hey, there's all that other stuff I mentioned that they can chew over, too. So no, of course we will still be hearing that the president is illegitimate, and frankly, bring it on. Because now we have even more ammunition to throw back at those folks.

And here's a question: when did the discourse in this country get so crazy? When did it become okay for respected news organizations to treat the craziest conspiracy theories the right can dream up as legitimate stories worth devoting air time to? For crying out loud, CNN sent a fucking reporter to Hawaii! Why is it when the left was questioning the rationale for the Iraq War invasion we were just a bunch of pot-smoking hippies with nothing credible to back up our claims of cooked-up intelligence?

Is this how empires fall?

[UPDATE]: And of course, it's all about Donald Trump. The man's ego knows no bounds.

[UPDATE] 2: Well, here's another conspiracy theory to chew over: it's the Mitt Romney death certificate coverup!

And while Romney has a valid Michigan birth certificate, there is also the question of a death certificate, officially stamped on his passport ("He is dead") by the French police after a lethal auto accident while he was a missionary there in 1968.

Oh, my! Something to look forward to in 2012. Somehow I have the sneaking suspicion that if Romney gets the GOP nomination, no one will make a fuss about him being dead. Because, IOKIYAR.

[UPDATE] 3: Wow, WingNut Daily surprised me. I gave them four hours to denounce the Obama long form birth certificate, but it appears they had already called it into question before I’d even finished writing my post:

If the document proves valid, it could answer the questions raised by those who have alleged he was not actually born in Hawaii. But it also could prove his ineligibility because of its references to his father. Some of the cases challenging Obama have explained that he was a dual citizen through his father at his birth, and they contend the framers of the Constitution excluded dual citizens from qualifying as natural born citizens.

Joseph Farah, editor and chief executive officer of WND, the only news agency that has waged a relentless investigative campaign on questions swirling around the Obama’s eligibility for nearly three years, was elated at the turn of events.

"We're gratified that our work has begun to pay off," he said. "The certificate of live birth is an absolutely vital foundation for determining constitutional eligibility of any president. We look forward to reviewing it like so many other Americans do at this late date. But it is important to remember there are still dozens of other questions concerning this question of eligibility that need to be resolved to assure what has become a very skeptical public concerning Barack Obama’s parentage, his adoption, his citizenship status throughout his life and why he continues to cultivate a culture of secrecy around his life."

Sure, there's so much secrecy when you keep pulling paranoid ideas out of the clear blue sky and people look at you strangely when you talk about them.

Jeeeeesuz. Your "relentless investigative campaign" has just been destroyed in the matter of 10 minutes, but of course with this much invested in it, don't expect it to go away -- ever. These people will never, ever give up. After all, the president is still black. Nothing will change that.

Trump’d Is The New Punk’d

So, earlier this week I’m talking to a conservative acquaintance and he gives me his usual “they’re all crooked sleazebags” line (more on that later) and then he says, I shit you not,

“You know who I’m interested in? Donald Trump. I’d really be interested in hearing more of what he has to say.”

At which point I practically exploded in laughter. In fact, I even said, “How can you support someone whose own casino went bankrupt -- three times!” He replied, I shit you not,

”It wasn’t really a bankruptcy. It was reorganization.”

I mean, just ...oh my God. That’s just... so ... priceless.

Anyway, so I finally met one. You know, one of those Republican voters who have supposedly “embraced a Trump bid.”

Here’s the thing. As I’ve been saying all along, Trump is not running for president. This is absolutely, without a doubt, a hoax to boost ratings for his Apprentice franchise. That’s what I said when Trump first started talking about running. And the only ones to take him seriously have been our stupid mainstream media and political punditry, which never saw a shiny-sparkly piece of political theater it didn’t like. And when Trump announces on the Celebrity Apprentice finale that he’s not running, the media will look like idiots yet again. It’s Balloon Boy all over again. I will be absolutely gobsmacked if I’m wrong about this.

Seriously, look at this:

See, Trump has been "seriously" considering a run for the Oval Office since last October—or, just weeks after season 10 of The Apprentice got off to a franchise-low start.

Of course, the timing could be a coincidence. Or not.

Yeah call me a cynic but I’m going to guess ... not. Seeing viewers lose interest in his reality TV show last fall, the master of gimmickry came up with the best promotion ever for the spring season of Celebrity Apprentice. I mean, when your idea of "celebrity" is Gary Busey, Meat Loaf, LaToya Jackson and NeNe Leakes, no wonder your ratings have tanked. But it’s worked:

The story begins in February, when Trump is a distant, but surprising fourth-place finisher in a survey of Republican voters. He polls at 8 percent.

On March 6, the new season of Celebrity Apprentice premieres, and averages 7.9 million viewers, down 5 percent from the previous spring. 

So, it's bad for Busey and the men of Backbone that Trump is searching for President Barack Obama's birth certificate, right?
Wrong.

On the same day, March 13, that Trump kicks up to 10 percent in a CNN poll, Celebrity Apprentice moves up to 8.1 million viewers.

A few weeks later, on April 3, the show hits a new season high, with 8.6 million viewers. Trump's support among GOP voters, meanwhile, increases to 17 percent in an NBC/Wall Street Journal poll.

Okay, there’s more ... Trump’s vocal birtherism has come with a marked decline in the show’s ratings. Who knows if they’re connected? All I know is that this is undoubtedly a ploy to boost ratings. And anyone who buys this nonsense (and near as I can tell that’s pretty much just our news media) has been punk’d.

So back to my conservative acquaintance. We actually agree on a lot of things. He believes money and greed have corrupted our politics, he believes corporate influence is out of control, he thinks corporations and rich people should pay more taxes. He thinks the Tea Party is nuts. But his answers to these problems are not necessarily the same as mine.

But where we most differ is in his steadfast belief that government is inherently corrupt and evil, that every politician is a lying, money-sucking scumbag, that the nation is in a steep decline that will inevitably result in civil unrest of apocalyptic proportions, and that the entire world is headed toward a one-currency/One World Order scenario.

I won’t get into that crackpot One World Order stuff (like, for instance, who exactly is going to take over? Every empire which has tried has failed, including ours). I think the whole disillusionment thing is a feature, not a bug. See, the more people believe that they’re all corrupt and what’s the point of even being engaged, the more the plutocracy wins. Sure, David Vitter was a sleazebag and so was John Ensign but Clinton got a blowjob and John Edwards is Rielle's baby daddy. So let's just wash our hands of them all, right?

Really, what is the point of that kind of thinking? Does anyone believe that the only person worth leading this country is a saint or Jesus Christ himself and until those people come along we’re better off just tuning it all out? Yes, our politics and political process has been corrupted, yes we need clean and fair elections and we need to get the big money out of politics. Do those two things and you will have done a lot to root out the sleazeballs and scumbags.

But no, we now we have a bunch of people who believe the entire process has been corrupted and taken over by sleazebags and slimeballs, getting punk'd by the biggest slimeball of them all. As if getting taken by the Grifter From Wasilla wasn't been bad enough, you folks now think the Grifter From Manhattan is going to be any better? Really, people? Hey I think I know how this movie ends. And hey, with any luck maybe we can get our voter turnout even smaller next election. It’s not like people aren’t disillusioned enough as it is, right?

Anyway, I thought I had posted this here before but if you haven’t seen Lewis Black take down the idea of a Donald Trump candidacy, you are in a for a treat. Maybe what this country needs is a Third World dictator.

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